Word On The Street Zoom Interview with Serilda from Workplace Change: Leading amid COVID-19

I was recently interviewed by one of my most trusted advisors in the realm of people, HR and business, Serilda Summers-McGee, on how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting business, at this point in time, March 26th, 2020. Serilda is the former Chief Human Resources Officer for the City of Portland, former head of HR for The Oregon Department of Education, and held similar roles at Prosper Portland and Kaiser Permanente. Serilda now runs her own venture focused on people, HR, Diversity, Equity and Inclusion: Workplace Change.

I jump at any chance I get to spend time with Serilda, so when she asked me to do a Zoom interview to share my experience with the community, I said yes. This is a relatively personal, vulnerable peek inside of Marmoset and into my own mindset, amid a crisis like we’ve never seen before. I hope others might take something away that is helpful and encouraging.

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life…is bullsh*t

Recently, a friend of mine, Brianne Mees — brilliant leader and co-founder of Tender Loving Empire — shared something with me that’s been on my mind ever since.  She explained that, in her opinion, the popular saying, “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is bullshit. It’s a fantasy and a lie that’s misled and confused an entire generation of young people — many of whom are entering the workforce right now. Brianne explained that to truly find, pursue and live one’s passion, there will always be a counterweight of pain and suffering. It’s unavoidable. If you’re able to find your passion, and if you’re able to actually do your passion as your main gig or career, or even as a side hustle, you’d sure as heck better expect there will be some suffering, storms, a LOT of hard work, and some seasons of deep, dark adversity, too. 

This counterweight concept Brianne shared has no doubt been true in my own life. And I’ve yet to read a single biography or hear from someone I know who’s successful and “loves what they do” that doesn’t have the ever-present counterweight of suffering as a constant factor in their story. There’s no way around it.

Thinking on more of a meta-level, I wonder if any measure of greatness or success is achievable without the counterweight? I ask this because I’m surprised by how often I encounter people who seem to expect to achieve success or greatness without the counterweight. It’s as if they truly believe that silly saying.

I see it most frequently in 20-somethings navigating the beginnings of their career, who after a year or two in an entry-level role, complain that their work is mundane or unsatisfying, and express frustration when a promotion doesn’t happen as quickly as they want. They either get impatient and jump ship after a year or two… or sometimes they just get increasingly louder, voicing their complaints and frustrations more and more until it breeds negativity and some kind of intervention is needed.

While I truly love the drive and the fire in the belly these types of people exhibit, I’m fascinated by the on-demand, instant gratification mindset and pain-free expectations so many seem to live by. It’s as if some can’t fathom the thought of taking two, three, or more years to learn, develop, and deeply master a role before moving on to something else. There’s a desire and expectation to have it all right now, unwilling to slow down to take the time and walk through the fire and experience some adversity — these are prerequisites to grow and rise to any real level of success and achievement. It’s as if some weren’t anticipating any pain or discomfort along the way. They’re unaware of the counterweight. My colleague at Marmoset, Rachel Schmidt, likes to remind me of this quote: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” - Thomas Edison

The truth of the matter is, there are no shortcuts. There’s no express route or fast lane to achieving great things, whether in a career or a side hustle. And there’s no way to avoid the pain and suffering that happens along the way either — which sometimes means enduring a role for a while that may feel mundane or isn’t very challenging. It’s all connected and part of the journey. This is the nature of life. The uncomfortable part that may be frustrating or painful is often, in hindsight, a necessary chapter in everyone’s story. It may not make sense while you’re in the middle of it… but upon reflection years later, I almost always find that there was something beneficial that needed to be learned, no matter how painful or how dark the experience may have been. That’s my story. And as a leader, I see too many young people start out on their path, and when the journey gets long… when it gets hard and isn’t fun… when pain and suffering occur… they so quickly get bummed-out, frustrated, discouraged and impatient — and don’t have reasonable expectations about what it takes. They haven’t prepared for the counterweight, so they hit the eject button.

Even worse — after you hit the eject button a couple of times, you risk losing the power of resiliency — the most critical power to develop and master in order to achieve what you want to achieve in life.

My friend and peer mentor, Mario Schulzke, recently shared an essay about his passion project. You can read about it here. Most fascinating to me, he reflected upon the ten years he’s been pursuing this particular passion, and he confessed it’s been about 51% fun and about 49% terrible. Whoa.

Mario explained how mundane and hard his passion project has been, and how at times he’s felt completely stuck. Yet he sticks with it and he finds a way to appreciate, and sometimes even love the process. Mario knows the counterweight quite well. A German immigrant raised by a single parent and meager means, he’s been mindful of the counterbalance concept his entire life. In fact, I know Mario is always expecting it — he’s anticipating it and always preparing for it.  In Mario’s words, “Giving up is easy.  You need time. You need staying power. You need to keep going when things get hard.”

I agree with Mario. And I agree with Brianne, too. “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” …truly is bullshit. Life’s counterweight is real.

How you prepare for it and how you respond to it is what ultimately determines the arc of your story. It defines who you are.

- RW

--> This essay is part of a series published in collaboration with The Western Writers League. Take a few minutes to explore my peers’s work as well.

The Steelhead Bath by Chris Corbin

How To Keep Going On Your Side Project When Things Get Hard by Mario Schulzke

A Framework to Live By: The Work by Byron Katie

A few months back I had a week where three different people, all in different places and situations, mentioned or made reference to Byron Katie. Then, the following week, my therapist brought it up and explained a concept known as “The Turnaround.” Clearly the cosmos wanted me to learn about Byron Katie…and I’m thankful.

Katie is an American author who teaches a method of self-inquiry known simply as "The Work.” She’ s the founder of Byron Katie International, an organization that includes The School for the Work and Turnaround House in Ojai, California. TIME describes her as "a spiritual innovator for the 21st century." I have to say — her story is not a common one. It’s a story that still sets me back in my chair whenever I read it. You can dive into it here.

The crux of her story is this epiphany she experienced in 1986:

I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.

Katie has developed a core philosophy that suffering is caused by believing our stressful thoughts. This, she says, puts people into painful positions that lead to suffering, as she recognized to be the case with herself. Through self-questioning, she describes how a different, less-known capacity of the mind can end this suffering. This is what she calls, “The Work.”

The Work is a way of identifying and questioning any stressful thought. It consists of four questions and, the most impactful component of the framework, called “The Turnaround.”

The four questions are:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

The next step of The Work, The Turnaround, is a way of experiencing the opposite of the believed thought. It’s about asking and exploring “what if the opposite were true?” For example, the stressful thought "My coworkers are going to hate this idea” can be turned around by considering the possibility of "My coworkers are going to love this idea.”

“The Work” is best explored in Katie’s best selling book, “Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.” She also openly shares the concept on her website, where she provides a free downloadable worksheet — a practical tool for working through stressful situations, conversations, and relationships.

Simply put, if you only take one thing away from this — challenge yourself to practicing The Turnaround in your daily life, whether at work or at home or anywhere. Whenever you start spinning out on a thought or a scenario — especially a future state that may or may not come true — ask yourself to stop and consider what it would be like if the opposite were true. It’s a powerful tool, for which I am very, very thankful.

Magic Popsicles and the Importance of Taking Breaks

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on August 8th, 2019

My family and I recently enjoyed three nights at a Japanese onsen resort on the bank of Lake Chuzenji, tucked away in the mountains of Nikko National Park, Japan. This onsen, and others like it, exist because of the natural hot springs in the region. The water from these hot springs — which has long been believed to have healing and rejuvenating properties — is piped into pools for resort guests to enjoy. These pools are known as onsens.

Lake Chuzenji, Nikko National Park, Japan

Steeped in tradition, Kai Nikko is a place where people go to rest, relax and rejuvenate in the water from the hot springs. I was deeply struck by how simple and minimal the place was — yet so beautifully ornate and full of meaning. The pace is intentionally slow, and the vibe is wonderfully quiet, contemplative and mellow. 

Upon arrival, they showed us where to store our shoes and gave us a yukata and sandals to wear for the duration of our stay. The pace is intentionally slow and the vibe is wonderfully quiet, contemplative and mellow throughout the resort.

Kai Nikko Resort, at Lake Chuzenji, Japan

While staying at the resort, we enjoyed the ritual of visiting the onsens three times a day, for 10 minutes at a time, each occasion providing a welcome break in the day. There’s something special about a ritual of interrupting the day to soak, rest, be quiet and delve into a relaxed, meditative self-care experience. It really spoke to me — it was so simple, yet such a powerful experience. And at the same time, it was such a foreign concept to our daily lives back home.

Typically onsens have gender separated soaking pools, sometimes indoors and sometimes outdoors, highlighting unique Japanese design aesthetics. The pools are about two feet deep and vary in style and design. I was surprised to learn people traditionally soak for only about ten minutes at a time. Custom also dictates a quiet, almost meditative kind of experience. No devices. No talking. No splashing around. Just a time to relax and be still.

An onsen at Kai Nikko Resort at Lake Chuzenji, Japan

This particular onsen includes a surprise for guests in its lounge area outside the dressing rooms. Adjacent to the giant pastel-colored beanbag chairs that are scattered about on a slightly elevated platform is a small, unassuming wood-paneled freezer full of popsicles. I’ll never forget that little freezer of popsicles. 

As I peeled the plastic wrapper off, holding the small wooden stick in my hand, I fell back into an oversized beanbag chair. For a moment, I was in a dreamy, childlike state, and I wasn’t alone. As I looked around, I saw people of every kind — children, parents and even seniors — all reclining in beanbags while enjoying a popsicle with pure delight on their faces. So many smiles. So much joy.

Reflecting on the experience, it would’ve been too easy for people to exit the pools and just return to their busy days. But the resort has created an unexpected opportunity with the beanbag chairs and popsicles. It’s as if they created a portal to a magical place where busy, focused, highly productive adults rarely venture.  

The freezer full of Magic Popsicles at Kai Onsen resort in Japan.

The magic popsicles call out, like sirens to Ulysses, beckoning passersby to slow down, sink deep into the chairs and do nothing but enjoy a simple treat. Somewhere amidst the simplest of life’s experiences, I discovered a little something for my soul. And maybe a life lesson for all leaders and high achievers.

Consider this: How often do you go for a midday soak in a pool? How often do you sink deep into a comfy chair to enjoy a popsicle? How often do get up from your desk to create a little break in the day? What’s holding you back? What’s the story you’re telling yourself? 

According to Psychology Today, “working for long stretches without breaks leads to stress and exhaustion.” When I stop to think deeply about it, I wonder if maybe we’ve all gone mad. I traveled halfway around the world to experience the revelation of a 10-minute midday soak. I crossed more than half a dozen time zones to encounter a freezer of popsicles. I don’t think it should be this hard. 

As I type this, the sun beckons me to step outside and take a short walk to a juice truck parked down the street. When I quiet my mind, I notice a subtle, mysterious force reaching out to me and encouraging me to take a little time amidst my busy day to unplug and reset. Time to walk. Time to sit and be still. Time to close my eyes and daydream. 

When’s the last time you intentionally daydreamed? What’s stopping you?

Why do we sit at our desks so much, staring into glowing screens? Why do we let bottomless email inboxes give us stress and hold us hostage? Why do we hold so tightly to our cell phones all day? Why does it seem impossible to take a break and go for a short walk? Why does a popsicle break sound so ridiculous?

More importantly, what if we didn’t live this way? Are we evolving or are we devolving? What if we made more time for walks, soaks and popsicles? How might it impact the quality of our work? How might it improve the quality of our lives? 

One writer summarized the benefits of taking breaks in this Scientific American article: “Downtime replenishes the brain’s stores of attention and motivation, encourages productivity and creativity, and is essential to both achieve our highest levels of performance and simply form stable memories in everyday life. … Moments of respite may even be necessary to keep one’s moral compass in working order and maintain a sense of self.”

I have two hourglasses in my office: a big one and a small one. The big one lasts for 30 minutes, and I’ve found that most projects and meetings can be accomplished in 30 or 60-minute intervals. The hourglass provides a tangible, visual gauge of how much time I have to work with. Sometimes I game-ify things, hustling to accomplish my work before the sand runs out, which always feels good. The smaller hourglass lasts for 10 minutes — the perfect length of time for a short break between tasks.

So how can you get started on incorporating more downtime into your day? I’ve found that establishing a regular time on the calendar (with a reminder alert) for a daily walk can create a reliable structure and rhythm to lean into. It’s also helpful to have an accountability partner, a colleague or perhaps a friend, along with a regular destination, like a juice truck or a cafe, to help create a daily ritual. Once it becomes a ritual, it can evolve into something habitual — and that’s when it sticks. That’s when transformation can happen.

I also have a colleague who set-up a #Meditation channel on our company’s Slack app. Periodically whenever anyone is feeling that internal call to disconnect and reset, someone will post an invitation to the channel and organize a little impromptu 10-20 minute meditation session. Everyone is welcome and anyone can join, and I’ve found sometimes there’s an added human/spiritual effect by doing it with a small group of friends or colleagues. We’ve got a couple places around the office quiet enough for meditation, in addition to one dedicated medication/yoga/stretching area, outfitted with mats, bolsters and poufs for folks to use.

As you can see, there’s many different possibilities for low impact, easy to access opportunities for breaks — which when you think deeper out it, these are actually daily opportunities for improved health, increased performance, growth and transformation. 

I also just ordered a small freezer for the office. It’s big enough for about 100 popsicles.

-RW

A version of this essay was originally published by Forbes.com on August 8th, 2019

--> This essay is part of a series published in collaboration with The Western Writers League. Take a few minutes to explore my peers’s work as well.

I Have Flaws by Chris Corbin

Disclaimer: My Life Is Not Perfect by Mario Schulzke

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